And jokes

Q: What do the mob and pussy have in common?

A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.

What's the difference between Monday and a dick?

They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.

You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"

How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?

What do the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips, and Crack have in common? The CIA.

Who is older than the Twin Towers?

Billy Bob the 1th. He was older than the Twin Towers. He was born 3 minutes before the Twin Towers and is still alive today.

What is the difference between apples and orphans?........... The apple gets picked.

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?

"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."

I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.

What’s the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?

Pikachu, I choose you!

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,

But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

Say this when you answer a spam call...

"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."

Bully: I can't understand you because I don't speak ugly language.

Me: And I don't speak idiot language.

What does a baby and a grenade have in common?

They both make noise after you throw them.

How are genders and the Twin Towers alike?

There was 2, now it's a sensitive subject.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.

I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...

I used to be emo.

He was saying jokes, and someone said, "You are on a roll!"

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.