And jokes
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 80 people.
Then it exploded.
What happens if you mix the two names "Shannon" and "Stephanie"? You have the name "Shanny."
Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.
I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.
I approached her in the checkout line and said, "Yo baby wassup?"
Memes
She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.
I was at a football match, and the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me. *face palm*
What's the difference between Madlen Makan and Stephen Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead.
What word starts with “F” and ends in “uck”?
Firetruck.
So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!
BREAKING NEWS
All the desert regions in the world are now considered lush rainforests. They house many different species of life and have significantly helped with the constant carbon dioxide emissions.
The reason why is because... Your texts are so dry.
A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”
The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”
Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said:
"F*ck off! You won’t bring it back."
What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
Yo mama so fat, she went to space and there was no space left.
What do Americans and stars have in common?
They both love shooting up.
I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.
I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.