Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says “what’s the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks? “ The man says “it’s not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place.”
These jokes cheered me up from suicide. This is amazing material. God bless all of you.
I was both shocked and amazed to hear Stephen Hawking kicked the bucket.
My Great Grandfather died in 9/11
He was an Amazing Pilot
a truck carrying vicks vaporub overturned on the highway, amazingly there was no congestion for 8 hours strait
My grandpa was amazing. He killed hitler
Aren't my egg yolks amazing, don't they make you crack up. If not, I better scramble
Two WiFi routers got married. The ceremony was OK, but the reception was amazing.
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.
After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.
After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
This rat did the most amazing thing ever it was pretty radical dude.
Teacher: Describe a penguin
Student: Black, White, Beak
Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan
Student: Sad, maybe depressed, No family
Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow
Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes
Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?
Student: It describes you tho.
The other day, my best friend flipped off the table in class. I thought it was flipping amazing.
Monkey:What ya doing Other monkey:Just you know "Hanging around"
Bad joke right i just can't think of something amazing it's like my brain is "Hanging"
Friend Hey did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kanes is amazing! What did you do this weekend I did-
Me Dude are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.
I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push
what do you call a amazing goat
a goat-zing
(amazing pick up line) yoo what if we got matching tattoos u get 2 towers and i get a plane, Bc i crashed right into ur life ;)
Hey mom I'm back from the circus parade, it was amazing! first came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, And then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion, oh and what came after her? Asked the mother, Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee said the boy.
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone. Then, the birthday boy said "Hey, he's like my dad." "Really" asked a little girl? "I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
A women decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.
’About 32,’ is the reply.’
‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.<br> A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’
Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.
