All jokes

You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.

How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?

They are all boomers in the end.

Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?

They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.

Why can't all orphans learn about ancient Egypt? Because they don't know what a mummy is.

Why do eight-year-old girls wear panties with flowers on?

In loving memory of all the faces that were buried in there.

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they all beat the room for being black.

Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.

I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:

P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.

Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.

“They are all very tearable,” he replied.

Well, there is one person who gets it!

Why did Oliver have no friends?

His last name was Clothesoff, and all the other kids would get in trouble whenever they would ask to play with Oliver Clothesoff.

Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.

A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.

On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."

On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Por que.

Por que who?

"That's all, folks," in the words of Por que Pig.

I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.

He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"

Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?

Teacher: No?

Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."

Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!

I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.

Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.

Guy: Robin

Bank owner: Your last name?

Guy: Debank

Bank owner: Robin Debank?

Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"

What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?

With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.

My name says it all.