Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Yull.
Yull who?
You'll be sorry if you eat all the fruitcake!
Name 1 way to decrease overpopulation:
Get rid of all the suicide prevention lines so the suicidal people can kill themselves.
What's brown and white with red all over?
Terrorists when they went into the Twin Towers.
I cut my dick. It is all right now, and half the size but makes for excellent breakfast.
There was an emo kid in their room, boom, they're all gone, now.
Do you like all the jokes I’ve been “cracking?”
Can I make you a basketball cake for dessert?
Yeah, you sure can, but don't be having all your balls in it. It will taste nasty.
Clear all your debts with one easy payment. Buy a shotgun and blow your head off.
An orphan was playing with a famous baseball player. The baseball player walks up to him and says, "Dude, I gotta teach you." The orphan goes, "Why? I got all your moves down." The baseball player goes, "But kid, you can never find home, though."
How did the United States become a country? It broke all of its states.
- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.
- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.
- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.
We all know the joke: Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9.
But do you know why 9 is scared of 7?
Because you are supposed to eat 3 square meals a day (3 squared).
My son's class is having a career day next week.
He was all embarrassed about having a mother who works at the AISH office.
We've agreed that I'll tell his class I'm a prostitute.
Fuck all reading this.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because it's not original at all.
Why were the people in 911 devastated?
They ordered extra flavored pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
Did you know there’s a sex move called Amazon?
You wait all day and nobody comes.
What has 2 legs and is red all over?
What do you call a cow with all of his legs? High steaks.
Why couldn't the kid with Down syndrome play football? Because he got all the downs.
