A women decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.
’About 32,’ is the reply.’
‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.<br> A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’
Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.
Why cant an or phan get a tatoe at a young age. They dont have parent premison
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have ***, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.
when my grandpa was 65 he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
he's 70 now and we have no idea where he is
Who is older than twin towers?billy bob the 1th,he was older than the twin towers he was born 3 minutes before the twin towers and still alive today
What’s the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl? The microwave doesn’t fart out blood and diarrhoea when you pull your meat out
Yo mama so fat, when she was just there she made the whole earth go back to the ice age
The Good Old Days > You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic
Plus she's too young to smoke
Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."
Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.
Everyone put ur age here
What does a 100 year old pornstar and the white stripes have in common? Icky Thump
my mom left me at a very young age
your hairline goes back to the middle ages
Me: What the diffrtn between me and my grandpa? Friends: What? Me I've been alive for the past 14 years
On a scale of 1-10, how old was Michael Jackson’s last boyfriend?