Absent father jokes
My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.
You will find your dad that left to get the milk before your hairline.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad.
Why do some kids have water with their cereal?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.
No, they will be wondering what I look like.
Why do orphans eat their breakfast with water?
Because their dad didn't come back with the milk.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
What do orphans and sperm donor kids have in common? They don't have dads.
Milk makes you tall, right?
Well how did you get tall if your dad didn't come back with the milk?
What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...
Why do you not have milk with your Oreos?
Daddy never came back with the milk.
I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.
Why did my dad leave me?
Because I was gay.
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."