Abe jokes

I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.

JFK and Abe Lincoln were some of the most open-minded presidents ever.

The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

Ancestry.com is spelled with an “I” in Alabama.

Q: What comes before 47?

A: AK

Teacher: Okay class, what's a word that begins with A?

Student: Apple!

Teacher: Good! What's a word beginning with B?

Student:....Bitch...

A is for apple, B is for dyslexia—oh wait, no! That’s D!

If Canadians speak "English Eh?", do Americans speak "English B?"