What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.
Lostin Flowers
@lostinflowers
Now defunct profile on a dying site.
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket!
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
Why is "dark" spelled with a K and not a C?
Because you can't see in the dark.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef!
A limbo champion walks into a bar.
The population in Ireland's capital started rapidly growing. In fact, it's Dublin!
I had a terrifying experience last night. I was alone in the house having a bath... when all of a sudden... I felt a tap on my shoulder.
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues.
I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.
May he rest in pizza.
Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon!
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
Wanna hear a couple of short jokes and a long joke?
Joke,
Joke,
Jooooooooooooooke.
The only thing flat earthers have to fear...
... is a sphere itself.
Two guys were beating up someone in an alley, so I stepped in to help.
He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.
Never challenge death to a pillow fight.
Unless you're prepared for the reapercushions.
My three favorite things are eating my family, and not using commas.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.