Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

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Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?

Because they have a break down.

I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.

John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater."

Fiancee: "Break a leg!"

Gf: Babe, do you love me?

Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.

Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...

Bf: Exactly.

Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I tell you, you look pretty, but all you do is look like a poo.

A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."

Little Johnny's mom is taking a shower. Little Johnny walks in and asks, "What is that in between your legs?" Mommy says, "That is my keyhole." The next day, Little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and Little Johnny asks, "What is that in between your legs?" Daddy says, "That is my key." The next day Little Johnny says to his dad, "Looks like the neighbor has the key to Mommy's keyhole too."

What’s a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle?

A meter stick.

What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?

Lego, so he can build a home.

What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?

A white elephant.

Why are there only 363 days on an orphan's calendar?

They don't have Father's Day and Mother's Day.

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.

Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.

There's like a weird after taste though.

Kinda like a sparkling water one.

I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.