The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them Are you 7-Eleven Or 9/11
I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said thanks for visiting.
In honor of Diddy:
The ice CREAM machine at McDonalds now works!
Why did the frog take the train to work? His car got toad
I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight, all I had to do is say stand up
How do non-binary people kill people They slash them
Why do disabled people make good golfers? Because they're always handicapped
My Jokes are so dark that i am surprised that the cops didnt shot they yet
Trees are just bushes with lift kits.
The best way to tell Hindu person and a Muslim person part is asking them Are you 7-Eleven Or 9/11
A guy is walking down the street, when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "looks like shit." Crouches down and smells it, "smells like shit." Sticks his finger in, tastes it, "tastes like shit." He then smiled and said, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it".
You will remember reading this for the rest of your life.
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
one time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent
what does a orphan and a military man not have in common, neither gets to go back home
Why don’t rappers tell secrets?
Because they always end up DROPPING it
Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?
Because good rappers always STAND OUT
When Pope Pius (IX.) died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, St. Peter opened: "Who are you, what do you want?” "I am Pope Pius. I want to come to heaven.” “Where do you come from?" "Rome." "What do you mean? Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "No, Rome Italy of course." "I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!"
To make sure to not erroneously deny access to an authorised person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God and asks: "Hello Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?" "What do you mean: Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "No, Rome Italy of course." "No, sorry, I don’t know him."
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello Junior - here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?" "Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "Rome Italy." "No sorry, never heard of."
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?" "What does he mean, Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "He says Rome Italy." "No sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while he continues: "Wait, wait - tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
my grandpa was a great pilot. but he died. on September 11 2001
i walked up to some Arabs and said alawakba, then here came the second tower.
