Worst Jokes Ever
When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.
I don't joke about vegans. That would be tasteless...
I have no beef with them.
What's a cancer patient's favorite food?
Kentucky Fried Chemotherapy
What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato?
A dictator.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By bumping into each other to see who falls over first.
What is the best way to deal with bullies?
You shoot them.
Why was the gay boy fired from the sperm bank?
He was caught embezzling.
What did the man do when he caught his wife cheating on him?
He honor-killed her.
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
How do fat people settle arguments?
By seeing who can eat the most at a buffet.
On April Fools' Day, there is no fool except for me.
I wanted to open a restaurant for the hearing impaired, but the slogan "Enjoy without hesitation" didn't go down so well.
Australia needs YOUR help!
ISIS brides are coming to Australia! They need to go back to where they came from. Help us before they blow us up like the terrorists they are!
What do you call a Vietnamese antivirus scanner?
An-Thi-cho-rho-na.
What does Meg do when she gets a cold sore?
She bathes in diarrhea.
So, this kid told me what high school he was going to and asked me if I thought he would make it in.
I said, "No, they don't have double doors."
Why'd the orange lose the race?
Because it ran out of juice.
I love your hair today.
How did you get it to come out your nose like that?
So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.
So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."