Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a Glock aimed at you.
I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?
She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"
To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"
Roses are red, CEO's are white, Patrick Mahomes says, the refs are always right.
I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?
She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"
To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"
Bro, you can't be talking. You built like Barney the dinosaur. Barney is a dinosaur with dinosaur sensation.
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.
You really put the R in special.
What do lesbians do while having their period?
They finger paint.
Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.
I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.
Humor is like food, not everybody gets it.
Why do hospitals have air conditioning?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
What did the skeleton get when he saw goth girls?......A boner.
What's black and sits on top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking's after a house fire.
It insists upon itself, Lois, it insists upon itself.
Juice WRLD really died, then how is he posting videos today?
A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.
A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.
A man accidentally elbows a woman's boob as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."
To which the woman replied, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."
At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note, I suck at darts.
The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.
The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.
My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!
