The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”
Warning Warning Warning Warning.
friend. your mums fat
Me well your mums so fat she played pool with the planets
I did a bunjee jump for charity recently. It was called spastics on elastics
One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer…but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out. “I’m so sorry,” he declared! “I don’t know what came over me, and realize I shouldn’t have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way…what did the chicken do?” 🐔😂
Hi how are you busy doing right I just text me and my dad was going home and walk home and I got home
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation but I feel that’s silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over hear at a discounted 75 percent off.
Customer: Okay? What’s the catch. That’s almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top of the line urns and will keep your loved ones remains secure and dry.
Funeral Director: Yep these have only been used once so it’s is absolutely worth the purchase.
I have a the best life coach ever, because he taught to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend? Ain’t you got no cents? Piggy: Actually, no. Just pork.
THE TUPPERWARE PEOPLE CAME TO OUR HOUSE. THEY ASKED MY WIFE WHERE’S KITCHEN. SORRY I HAVE ONLY LIVED HTERE FOR 3 MONTHS. BUT MY JEWELRY IS UP STAIRS IN MY JEWELRY BOX LOCATED IN MY BEDROOM
Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population
why did the chicken cross the road to get to the over side
What did Stevie wonder see when he got Murdered
True Story of Little Red Riding Hood The big bad wolf told Red Riding Hood to strip. He looled at her pussy and said "Now I will fuck you! " Red pulled-out a shotgun from umder her coat and said “Oh no you"re not. You’re not, you’re going to eat me just like it says in the book!”
What’s the difference between your mum and your nan Your nans a gilf
Baseball ⚾️ is fun
Hi how are you busy doing today did I have