If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she’s a little tardy?

What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? – American teenage girls get stoned before they have sex.

Why has Stephen hawking’s stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector

Why didn’t the bear go to college? – Because bears don’t go to college.

He: “Do you smoke after sex?”

She: “I don’t know. I’ve never looked.”

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

My town’s population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? – “Honey, I’ll be home in 20 minutes.”

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

If Al Gore started a math rock band it should be called Algorhythm.

4, 6, 8 and 9 have all been killed. – 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are the prime suspects.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.

What’s the difference between a gay and a freezer? – The freezer doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.

What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”

I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.

“How is your long distance relationship going?” – “So far, so good.”

My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy.

What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? – Itenticle.