What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period? One’s finger-licking good and the other is just a fast food restaurant.
that joke didn't land well did it
What do u call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter its not coming anyways
What does Michael jackson and Linus have in common? They both carry a little blanket
the f in orphan stands for family
an orphan tried to make an app about orphans but their was no home page
there was a kid being mean to a kid at a orphanage the kid said stop but the mean one said what are you going to do call your mommy
What’s the difference between apples and orphans? Apples get picked
What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns!
What's the difference between and orphan and an apple? ...one gets picked
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a guitar teacher? One likes to stroke his finger across A Minor, and the other one plays guitar.
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning. And my driver’s license got revoked too.
what happens when you put a baby in a blender
The baby is a cherry smoothie
pov; I threw a paper airplane between the two twins class
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade
So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.
Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.
At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.
While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.
Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!
Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.
Same thing goes when you are at bible study with a handsy priest.
Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?
Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5
Why can't orphans play baseball. Because they don't know where home is.