"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
"The legend says Tinker Bell was good in jerkin' off Peter with her tiny fingers, but it pains me to think that Captain Hook was a closeted-sadist boyfriend."
What’s better than the best thing ever?
Me being mod.
"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"
Q: What did the AISH worker do on her lunch break? A: Five Guys.
I wasn't going to tell another rape joke but fuck it.
If you can't afford a blow up doll, just go down to your local AISH office.
Remember kids.
Killing an AISH worker is a victimless crime.
Q: What's the difference between Danielle Smith and a flying piece of shit? A: One letter.
Why did Hitler keep on f***ing England?
Because it had a Great Booty!
"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."
What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?
About a few thousand miles.
Q. What's funnier than an AISH worker getting raped?
A. An AISH worker getting gang raped.
Rape is always unequivocally wrong.
Unless it's an AISH worker. Then you give her anal.
I think we should change Alzheimer’s disease to Joe Biden disease.
Yo, you have the biggest Oliver brain, which means you are the dumbest boy ever.
Speak in AAVE, Mr. Bear...
