Worst Jokes Ever

Your hairline goes so back that it’s ingrained in history.

Your hairline is receding so hard, they petitioned it to change for the McDonald's logo.

Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.

“Life is going swimmingly,”

“Tell that to Whitney Houston.”

I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."

How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.

I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.

What's the difference between Canada and the USA?

In the USA, Trump is sitting in the Oval Office.

In Canada, he'd be sitting in the waiting room of a MAiD clinic.

How does a blind person know they've wiped their ass enough?

What's red and spins really fast?

Kurt Cobain's ceiling fan.

How does a blind person wipe their ass?

With braille toilet paper.

What does it mean if you can remember a girl's eye color?

She had small tits.

What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'

'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'

Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.

The president of the USA is so damn stupid. His mother must have taken Tylenol while she was pregnant with him, or something.

Why don’t women wear mini skirts in the winter?

Because they’ll get chapped lips.

I tried being an emo, but I never got the hang of it.