Why does everyone at school make fun of the cripples kid. Because he can’t stand up for himself.

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

What’s the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief?

The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, “Sign here please.”

Wanna hear a terrible Joke?

Paper

Pretty tear-able, huh?

Why did the picture go to jail? Cause it was framed!

on a date me - "I get to work with animals all day" her - "How sweet! What do you do?" me - “I’m a butcher.”

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday.

idk he hasn’t opened it yet.

Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water

Who else would think of adding gas

A programmer and his wife.

She says, “We’re out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they’ve got eggs, get six.”

After a while, he’s back with six loaves of bread.

The wife asks, “Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?”

He replies, “They had eggs.”

Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos? – Because the sign says No Tres passing.

Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, “Isn’t it dark down here?” She replies, “I don’t know. I can’t see.”

My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?

They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

Leave a like Down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem

“I’m sorry” and “I apologise” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words…

“Lazy.”

Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle? – Because dogs can’t whistle.

Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet.

He scares the shit out of it.

My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high…