Why did Santa stop at three ho's?
Ms. Claus caught him.
Worst Jokes Ever
109 countries can't be wrong. Watch Europa: The Last Battle.
What do you call a man in a wheelchair with no legs?
Geo dude.
Obese is the N-word for fat people.
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two, but now it's a sore subject.
I played the Angry Birds theme while watching a 9/11 documentary.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
Women have eggs and milk in them...
And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.
I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.
Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!
There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.
Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.
After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.
A boy sat in his bed, watching a meteor shower. He was a vengeful child and wished that his parents would no longer bother him whilst he was gaming.
The next morning, he woke up to find his mother had passed away in the night. Clearly his wish had worked. However, his father worked a midnight job, and as such the boy was very confused when he returned home from work, expecting him to have met the same fate.
The two of them then looked out the window in thought, only to find the milkman lying dead on the pavement.
What's the difference between a baby and a cooked chicken?
Several hundred calories.
What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?
Fall Guys.
This is how big cats were named.
"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."
"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."
The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.
What is another word for Arab man who is a Palestinian Muslim?
Palestinian masseur.
My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...
She couldn't do either!
If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:
So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite fruit?
Boisenberry.
