The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

20 years of sex in the dark the wife find out he was using a dildo the wife get angry and says ¨explain the dildo prick¨ the husband says ¨explain the children bitch

My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

What did stevie wonder’s mom do to punish him as a child? She rearranged all the furniture

Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

a blond, a red head, and brunette, were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away, so in turn they try to swim to the island, the brunette swims 10 km then drowns, the red head swims 30 km then drowns, the blond swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. – But he’s still making fun of me.

When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, “You use way too much technology!”. Jim then said, “No, YOU use too much technology!” and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind

Why cant two chinese people have a white baby ?

Because two wongs dont make a white

Who are the fastest readers?

911 victims. They went through 88 stories in 7 seconds.

Leave a like Down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem

My teacher gave us an assignment and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I answered “Happy”. The teacher said I didn’t understand the test, I said to her that she didn’t understand life

Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank.

Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone.

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide, but you can’t run.

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except Abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.

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