Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and and everything was half off. I didn’t know back to school sales had started already
A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”
The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, “You can have anything you want.””
The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy “hey mister its getting dark out and I’m scared” Man “how do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone”
Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it’s clear why everyone calls me handsome.
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. “What happened to your face?” I asked.
“I’m a Paralympian,” he replied.
“No, … hurdles.”
I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.