Three guys are on a plane, ones black, ones white, and ones Mexican. The pilot says: “There’s to much weight you all need to throw something off the plane.” The black guy throws his Jordan’s and says: “We have to many of these in our country” The Mexican throws off his lawn mower and says: “we have to many of these in our country” the white guys throws the Mexican and says: “We have to many of these in our country”

I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.

What did the beach say as the tide came in?

Long time, no sea.

Where did sally go during the bombing? Everywhere

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller.

I don’t trust atoms…They always make stuff up…

where do you find a dog with no arms or legs -where you left it

Dark humor is like food.

Not everyone gets it.

Why can’t blind people eat fish?

Because it’s sea food.

How do trees get online? – They just log in.

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it’s clear why everyone calls me handsome.

Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

What do you call a gay drive by? A fruit roll up.

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”

The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, “You can have anything you want.””

The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

Im doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. Its called spastics on elastics

“How is your long distance relationship going?” – “So far, so good.”

So I was looking out my window this morning and I saw this black guy run across the street with a TV and I think to myself “is that mine?” That can’t be mine, mine is still in the basement shining my shoes

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