whats one thing youll never find in lost and found? your dad

Y can’t orphans have sex… They have no one to call daddy

this isnt really a joke but true… you picture for your funeral may have already been taken :)

Sultan Khan was an courtier in akbar s’ court he wanted to make his son the royal treasure but his cunning plans always failed Sultan khan thought that birbal was to play his son’s misfortune so he looked for a opportunity to get rid of birbal one day birbal was late to the emperor 's court seeing this angry when sultan khan said your majesty don’t you think that birbal is taking his position he has been late these days this must be another plan to trap birbal said akbar So he decided to wait and see what and see what birbal would do So akbar sit next to suman khan and said yes he must be punished Suman khan was amazed to see his plan work this time From now you should not agree to anything he says today Akbar replied agreed Soon birbal came to court Please spare me from being here late my wife was unwell Akbar immediately said no Birbal was surprised He tried again by saying but that’s the truth Please belive me Again akbar replied no There must be something going on thought birbal himself
Then he asked can we discover important matters today Akbar immediately replied no we will not Then may I go home asked birbal Akbar said no you will stay here this evening said akbar enjoying himself Birbal understood what was happening
Oh so this is my game the emperor is saying no to all my questions He saw around and saw suman khan smiling to see him in trouble This must be his idea Let me teach him a lesson The clever birbal thought to akbar Very well he said But I have a last request will you please listen to me Akbar saw what birbal had done He was very pleased and called loudly No I will not listen to you That is all birbal said before returning to his seat Suman khan was thunned and angry And birbal had outwitted him an he could not make his son the treasure

Why did the carrots laugh?

They saw Mrs. Green Pea over the fence.

What do you call Tarzan when he swings through the trees backwards?

Nazrat.

What did the helicopter say to the mountain? Kobe!!!

Just send me to hell already

What’s the difference between an orphan and baseball?

In baseball you know where home is

What instrument do orphans play? The sax-alone

The view is so much better without those twins covering the city

-well that was a blow up

How did the burglar get into my house?

Intruder window.

Submit a joke: my sad ass life

What do you call a spaceman’s willy?

A Shuttlecock !

The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. (If I explain it, it won’t make be funny this is a old joke my friend told me)

i bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me ill give him 1000 dollars he said deal and i went upstairs

I’ve got not much of anything to be honest Been in special classes in school Not liked by people Only relationship I’ve ever had and she cheated on me 31 years old and never had sex pathetic Not very smart Don’t look good Hate myself more than anything Been a failure at everything in life Probably be alone forever People treat me like crap Can’t do anything right And the list goes on and on

So the question is why haven’t I killed myself yet the answer is ,I forget I’m a extreme procrastinator keep just putting it off because I’ll probably just fuck it up anyway

People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that’s the easy way out don’t give up all I say is I’m not giving up just I’m giving in and does it really seem like it’s the easiest way out I don’t think so it’s probably the hardest if you ask me,or I would have done it already, but someone’s got to do it