Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer too long."
"What did the mom broom say to the baby broom? Go to sweep!"
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.
Nothing is lost until mom can't find it.
"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."
There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.
It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner and then you realize you are the mom.
Being a mom to a teenager will make you understand why some animals eat their young.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown end up cleaning everyone's messes.
I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby. Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.
Guys.... you need to ketchup with the time....
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Sein.
what do 9/10 people enjoy? Gang rape
why can't americans play chess they have no tower
Yo buzz cut so bad that the bees buzz around it
Yo mama so fat then when she went on the scale it showed her phone number
Yo mama so fat then when thanos snapped his fingers she was still their
