What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to? – The computer runs.
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.
3.14% of sailors are…
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we’ve ever gotten to an accident site.”
How does Moses prepare his tea? – Hebrews it.
I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. – But he’s still making fun of me.
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase.
A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
What is black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide, but you can’t run.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
Why can’t blind people eat fish?
Because it’s sea food.
My syndrome may be down but my hopes are always up
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
The three unwritten rules of life:
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”
“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”