Why did Stephen Hawking go to Hell? - He couldn’t get up the stairway to Heaven.

I was making a bet with my grandfather who would die first I said that I would die first. He said “Bet” and Died after he drank his coffee He was my least favorite grandparent

my grandpas last words were, why is there a body in my kitchen.

no witnessess

What’s the most grossest mission NASA could do? - Probing Uranus.

What the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.😎

What did the cactus look like with his tuxedo on? Sharp🤣

What do you call a octopus with eight legs? a octo-pussy!!!

What song do you think was playing at the school pumped up kicks

what’s the difference between puppies and orphans

the puppies actually get adopted

Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted

A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about making a horrible sound. The bartender says “Hey, looks like he can’t play that!”, and the octopus says, “Play it? As soon as I get it’s pajamas off, I’m gonna fuck it!”

Girl: I’ve been a orphan since I was three.

Boy: knock knock.

Girl: …Who’s there?

Boy: not your parents!

So Johnny was working at a deli, a woman walks up and asks, do you have any salad? Johnny says no, she asks? What about carrots? Again Johnny says no, she says what about bananas? Johnny says “tell ya what, spell out “lad” in salad” she spells L A D, Johnny replies “spell “rot” in carrot” she spells R O T, Johnny says “now spell “fuck” in vegetables or fruits” she says “there is no fuck in vegetables or fruits” Johnny exclaims “thats what ive been trying to tell you!”

i love murder shows… wish me luck cause im kinda hoping to be on one one day

i was talking to my friend and he said “I lost my virginity to a girl and then she stopped coming to school” and I said “probably because she was fired”

What is the difference between a plane and a helicoptor.

A plane hits a building but a helicopter hits the floor

What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

I’m in school lol.

Q:what is the difference between an apple and an orphan? A: applets get picked

How does NASA fart? - They fart with their ass teroids.