Worst Jokes Ever
What do a track meet and a frat house have in common?
They both have something getting ran through by eight men while it just sits there.
I'd rather kiss a cactus than kiss you. Wanna know why?
Because at least I'd feel something with the cactus than I ever could with you.
You're so ugly that you make Caitlyn Jenner cry.
11:45 - Arrived at crime scene.
11:45 - Examined body. Signs of struggle.
11:45 - Found murder weapon in drain.
11:45 - Realized watch was broken.
Why did I get a divorce, you ask? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't get me a present and didn't even wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my co-workers didn't wish me a happy birthday.
As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" That moment, I felt so special. She then asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?"
"Okay," I said.
She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
Child: Dad, I want you to say "I'm a Man" after everything I say!
Dad: Uh, okay?
Child: My wife cheated on me.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: So I went to the bar.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: I met a hot girl.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: So I brought her home.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: After sleeping together, she woke up, faced me and said...
Dad: I'm a man.
My sister asked me, "Brother, how do babies come into the world?" Then my mom said, "Be quiet and fuck your brother, darling."
Is that the answer?
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
Dark humor is like sex: not everybody gets it.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
So he didn't have to pay the gas bills.
What is the difference between a black pilot and Charlie Kirk?
The black pilot is still alive.
Why should you lose your virginity to an autistic person?
Because virginity needs to be lost with someone special.
If a woman’s version of marriage is "happy wife, happy life," but statistically men are more likely to kill themselves, so who should be making who happy?
Then a man’s is "happy husband, don’t get bludgeoned."
Men should pay for dates because women have to pay for expensive things like makeup because God didn’t finish their faces.
What do a woman construction worker and a woman activist have in common?
They just stand there and hold the sign.
How do you stop a gang of black men from raping a white girl?
Throw them a basketball.
(Teacher): "What's one sport you want to do, but you're not good at?"
(Me): "Suicide."
What do me, emos, and Monster cans have in common?
A barcode.
A man complains to a slave dealer: "The slave you sold me died!"
"By the gods," replies the dealer, "he never did that when I owned him!"
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.