Worst Jokes Ever

Alberta Premier Danielle Smith is in hot water for importing $49 million worth of Tylenol that medical facilities couldn't even use.

I have a few suggestions about what she can do with all that Tylenol.

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific, so I said,

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

I've come to the conclusion that Trump is the fifth Teletubby.

He's fat, orange, and speaks in gibberish all the time.

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."

You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"

My son's class is having a career day next week.

He was all embarrassed about having a mother who works at the AISH office.

We've agreed that I'll tell his class I'm a prostitute.

Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?

A: "It's me, Luigi!"

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?

So we can think about a solution in silence.

If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?

What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?

They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.

What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?

A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.

If Donald Trump gets any worse, they'll have to replace Air Force One with a short bus.

When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.

She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.

I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!

I was wrong about AISH workers having no value.

If you get to them soon enough after the murder, you can harvest a few organs.

I don't laugh at Trump.

I was taught to NEVER make fun of the mentally handicapped.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.