“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father.

“It means ‘happy’,” replied the father.

“Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?”

“No, son, I have a wife.”

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.

Two men were talking about their wives

The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. – But he’s still making fun of me.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.

Would you like to try African food??

They would too.

A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.

“What do we want?”


“When do we want them?”


My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? – The letter F.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, “OK, you’re ugly too.”

RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

People say that life is short I say… Life is the longest thing we ever do

You know when you sign up for something and it says im not a robot guess he never had the chance to tick that

My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

I’ve just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase.

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don’t know. He hasn’t opened it yet.