“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father.

“It means ‘happy’,” replied the father.

“Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?”

“No, son, I have a wife.”

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.

Two men were talking about their wives

The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. – But he’s still making fun of me.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.

Would you like to try African food??

They would too.

A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.

“What do we want?”

“HEARING AIDS!”

“When do we want them?”

“HEARING AIDS!”

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? – The letter F.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, “OK, you’re ugly too.”

RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

People say that life is short I say… Life is the longest thing we ever do

You know when you sign up for something and it says im not a robot guess he never had the chance to tick that

My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

I’ve just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase.

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don’t know. He hasn’t opened it yet.