What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to? – The computer runs.

1

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.

0

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we’ve ever gotten to an accident site.”

0

How does Moses prepare his tea? – Hebrews it.

2

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. – But he’s still making fun of me.

1

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase.

5

A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.

0

What is black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

0

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide, but you can’t run.

0

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

3

Dark humor is like food.

Not everyone gets it.

0

RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

0

Why can’t blind people eat fish?

Because it’s sea food.

2

My syndrome may be down but my hopes are always up

0

Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.

0

The three unwritten rules of life:

0

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

0

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”

2

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

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