Dark humor is a lot like food.

Not everyone gets it.

I made a website for orphans, unfortunately it doesn’t have a homepage.

Why does peter pan always fly because he NeverLands

When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.

There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, “Momma, why is my name Rose?” The mommy cow replies, “Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born.” The next calf comes up and asks, “Momma, why is my name Lily?” The mother replies, “Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born.” The third baby comes up and asks, “Momma, why is my name Daisy?” The momma cow again replieds" Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, “Huh Ruh Buh Duh!” The momma cow says, “Shut up, Cinderblock!”

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

“I’m sorry” and “I apologise” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy “hey mister its getting dark out and I’m scared” Man “how do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone”

Children should never run with scissors and lesbians should never scissor with the runs

Two men were talking about their wives

The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.

Knock knock Who’s there? Not Susie.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them…

But I was just wondering… should I keep the letters?

Where did sally go during the bombing? Everywhere

if you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. what are they gonna do? tell their parents?

One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one then he/she should stand up. After a minute a boy stands up.

The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he’s an idiot.

The boy says, “No, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself.”

Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got the see either of them and they are now extinct

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.

Titanic: “And I’m nominating everyone on board for the Ice Bucket challenge!”

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