What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.
A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, your f**ked.
What's Michael Jackson's favourite thing to do on guitar? Fingering A minor
What do u call a emo cappella group
Self harmony
Teenager: OMG, I’m prego, my moms gonna kill me Baby: Lmao, same
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.
"What do we want?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
"When do we want them?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator not a lift" and "it's chips not crisps" etc. After a while of this the British person calmly retorted "they're schools, not shooting ranges".
A priest is drowning in a river... A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says "leave me alone, god will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said "leave me alone, god will save me. " The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that god will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked god "why didn't you save me. " God said "I sent you three f*****ing boats and you didn't take them! "
What is an orphan's favorite event? Homecoming.
Why did i walk across the road?
to get hit by a car
My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait
If you say to someone "have a nice day!" It will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours" They'll be terrified.
if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs. What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the the sower you can't even see it.
Guy: No I see your sister's head
* What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital? * ... * A FLATLINE!
The happier they get, the less they see.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso
Jk Its bleach
