Yes Jokes

A Chinese moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.

He bought a home on a small piece of land.

The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.

He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.

Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.

Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbour leading a bull down the drive way and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.

The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."

The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."

'What do you mean' says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."

"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me" replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks get piss drunk and listen to bull-shit!"

Boy: will u remember me in a minute? Mom: yes Boy: will u remember me in day? Mom:yes Boy: willu remember me in a year? Mom: yes Boy: knock knock Mom: who's there Boy:bitch, u forgot me

Mfs be saying Kobe is good at basketball cause he is 6 feet, ye 6 feet underground

Neona (😟): Gwen?

Gwen (🙁): Yes ... what can I do for you?

Neona (😔) : You were so right! Mr. Smith has sexual problems and is a fool! I am so sorry that you were not a lier! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!

Gwen (😒): You should have listend. Plus I'm over it!

Neona (😞): Are you mad at me?

Gwen (😌): Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen,

Gina: Maryen? Karlya? Amber? Kristie? Why isn't it listed that she's here?

Zari: Your sister is'nt listed in the meantime, just relax.

Gina: That still doesn't answer why she's not listed. I want her to see me!

Zari: Anyway, it will be time for your medications, we have the gixen and the Uiasends.

Gina: Do you know my sisters name?

Zari: Yes. Her name is Jalien.

Gina: Fine I don't care!!!

What question can you never answer yes to? Answer: Are you asleep yet?

A baby and his father are sitting in a street cafe. a woman bends over to pick up her keys just as a gust of wind blows up the woman's dress. "va va voom" the baby says. the dad chuckles and says "yes. I'd like to have sex with her too"

yes (DYM 66)

The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole".

The ass replied, "yes, but you still keep coming".

A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital. Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me. But I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheel chair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically ot will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guys says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"

"This vacuume sucks!" Vacuume: "yes, i do"

Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"

Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"

Man: Hey siri! Siri: Yes? Man: Im desperate, will you marry me? Siri: Uh... *phone literally explodes*

who ever said condom YES DADDY

Kid: mom, do trees poop? Mom: Yes. that is how we get #2 pencils

Friend: ooo I see Jessica Me: nice Friend: she got some red on her shirt Me: ye thats where the titanic hit her :///

jamal- dads CAN grow on trees joseph

joseph- no they dont

jamal- yes they do. ive seen it

joseph- ...... thanks not what you thought it was

Hello, are you there? Yes, who are you? My name is Watt. What’s your name? Watt’s my name. Yes, what is your name? My name is John Watt. John What? Yes, are you Jones? No, I’m Knott. Will you tell me your name? Will Knott. Why not? My name is Knott. Not what? Not Watt, Knott! *hangs up*

Teacher tests Little Johnny, “OK, Johnny, create a sentence which starts with ‘I’.” Little Johnny confidently starts, “I is...” Teacher snaps, “No, Little Johnny. You must always say, ‘I am’.” Little Johnny sighs, “Yes ma’am. ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’"

today my idiot brother screamed"ahhhhh im dead!' but it wasn't really, so i d3cded to make it a reality until my sister came.............................

AND HELPED ME! - for once but then two minutes later my mom showed up, we k!lled him right infront of her and she screamed! "DONUTS AND PIZZA FOR YPU AND MORE IF YOU GO TO MRS ROBERTS HOUSE AND SAY HI AND BYE TO DADDY!!!!! and she hands us both a sharp tool and i say what about tommy??!!! arn't u MAD!!!!!!! then she replied who's THAT!!??? COZ HE AINT MINE HIS NAME IS TOMMY, TOMMY ROBERTS. so then me and my sister visit mrs ROBERTS AND SHE SAID OH THIS ISN'T ANYTHING IMPORTANT GO HOME! so then my sister nd i say hi! and do a countdount aftr that my nike white jumper had turned red! IT WAS A MUCH BETTER COLOUR , MUM SEEMED TO APROVE AS WELL!😊😊😊 but then the police question us where daddy was so then mom said....................... oh he's moved on! so then the police officer was like ahem ma'm where! SO THEN I BELLOWED.......................... UP - UR -A##. And we got let off the hook, then we moved oh and we k!lled the cop 2 and oh did i meantion we HAD a maid, and a landlord and a cat but they were all 2 annoying so we got rid of them and now our new backyard is very smellyyy and i dont think there is enoff space to put muummy anymore so now i dont think sissy will fit either🧐 i will ask my neibour nessy she'll obviously say YES or ill........................................

ok like for part two☺☺☺