Newest Work Jokes - Page 3 - Worst Jokes Ever

so i was walking around the outside of the buliding and i saw a kid and asked “where’s your parents” I love working at the orphanage

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Anonymous 12/03/13(Tue)15: 14:15 UTC-6 No.519
So /b/, this is the first time I've shared this story
>mother
>fucking
>9/11
>be me
>be 18
>at a house party
>girl is talking to me
>we're wasted
>time to go to the love station
>says she wants to wait until morning
>so she can "remember it"
>wake up in the morning next to her
>she's already awake watching the news or some shit
>start making out
>put my hand in her panties
>she's moaning
>says "what the fuck" in a te
terrified voice
> "holy fuck my dad works there"
>immediately gets up and pulls out her cell phone
>look at TV just in time
>second plane crashes into tower
>she starts balling uncontrollably
That's my story of how I got cockblocked by motherfucking al qaeda

Ignore line & ovals

Faisal Saeed Al Mutar
20 hrs.
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It must be incredibly frustrating as an Islamic terrorist not to have your views
and motives taken seriously by the societies you terrorize, even after you
have explicitly and repeatedly stated them. Even worse, those on the
regressive left, in their endless capacity for masochism and self-loathing,
have attempted to shift blame inwardly on themselves, denying the terrorists
even the satisfaction of claiming responsibility.
It's like a bad Monty Python sketch:
"We did this because our holy texts exhort us to to do it."
"No you didn't."
"Wait, what? Yes we did..."
"No, this has nothing to do with religion. You guys are just using religion as a
front for social and geopolitical reasons."
"WHAT!? Did you even read our official statement? We give explicit Quranic
justification. This is jihad, a hely crusade against pagans, blasphemers, and
disbelievers."
"No, this is definitely not a Muslim thing. You guys are not true Muslims, and
you defame a great religion by saying so."
Huh!? Who are you to tell us we're not true Muslims!? Islam is literally at the
core of everything we do, and we have implemented the truest most literal
and honest interpretation of its founding texts. It is our very reason for being."
"Nope. We created you. We installed a social and economic system that
alienates and disenfranchises you, and that's why you did this. We're sorry."
"What? Why are you apologizing? We just slaughtered you mercilessly in the
streets. We targeted unwitting civilians - disenfranchisement doesn't even
enter into it!"
"Listen, it's our fault. We don't blame you for feeling unwelcome and lashing
out."
"Seriously, stop taking credit for this! We worked really hard to pull this off,
and we're not going to let you take it away from us."
"No, we nourished your extremism. We accept full blame."
"OMG, how many people do we have to kill around here to finally get our
message across?"

:)

So this is where everybody works??
ONLY FANS

what kind of work from school can't orphans do? homework!

In a bowl of golden delight, I savored each bite so bright, The potato salad, oh so fine, Left me feeling oh so divine.

The diced potatoes, oh so neat, In a dressing so cool and sweet, With onions and eggs, a treat, My taste buds did dance and greet.

The mayonnaise, a creamy dream, With mustard's zesty scheme, Together they did blend so well, My senses did take a spell.

The herbs, a fragrant delight, Added flavor with their might, Parsley and dill, a perfect pair, In this salad beyond compare.

So here's to the potato salad, A culinary work of art, That left me full and satisfied, And in my heart, a special part.

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute

You end up doing all the work

Why are carpenters never horny after work? Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things

What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked? “Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”

regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist

Me: I'm depressed so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain

YOU, RIGHT NOW,
WATCHING MEMES WHEN
YOU SHOULD BE WORKING
the the

Ur mom so fat that she works as a hydraulic press in a car factory

bro go work at Mc Donalds your hairline inspired their logo

So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work

I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help. Later that week I ran into them on the dance floor, one of them asked me if I wanted to dance I told her no, the other asked me if I knew what was cracking, I calmly said the floor.