Wife: looks in the mirror Wife: i look fat can you say something positive husband: at least your eyes work
asians dont believe in santa because they make the toys
I was joking about self harm to my friend and she told me to CUT it out, I couldn't even laugh. When we were at the self checkout she started scanning my arms, I asked her what she was doing she said, ̈Trying to see if it beeps, ya think id get it to work if I scanned your thighs? ̈ I said, ̈Nah bro you'd overload the system if you put it there. ̈
What do orphans and police not have in common
The police can actually go home
why did i laugh at this? this is alot like someone I know.. hmm- ( in the cmmts write who u think it is!)
I don’t orphans work at dollar tree?cause it’s a family business
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
If you buy two condoms, but your banging a woman, its fine, dont throw it away, just make her transgender. I dunno man, worked for me.
What do you call security guards working outside of Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy🌌
Why are orphans unable to work at S.C Johnson?
Because it’s a family business.
What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?
Suicide.
