Violent jokes
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?
Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.
Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.
About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater...
He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
Video games don't make people violent, lag does.
Why did the Muslim man cross the road? To violently rape an eight-year-old girl, then indoctrinate her with Islamic scripture, and train her as a suicide bomber.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."
What’s the best part of violently raping a sexy 10-year-old girl? Killing the little bitch afterwards.
Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.
What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?
"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."
So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.
The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.
What do you call purple when it's being mean? Violent.
When the school shooter makes the emo kid hang himself and the autistic kid thinks it's a piñata: 🤪🏏
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,
"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."
I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.