Uglies jokes

Stop it, Superman is stupid, ugly, and nothing.

God help me, please!

You're so ugly whenever you say hi, people walk away and say that you were too ugly, and they go take a bath right away because you're so stinky.

They say that you look like your mama. Wait, your mama must be just like you because I can see her way from a mile!

You say you put on perfume, but every time I smell you, you smell like poo-poo. You're so ugly that when your mom looks in the mirror, you cry. You're so stupid the second-grade teacher had to tell you to go all the way to kindergarten. Head Start is every grade below you. You can't even go to the 20th grade, which stands for 9th grade. You can't even go to grocery stores, and people that tell you that you're so ugly give you compliments just to make you feel better. You know that everybody just likes you just because they just don't want to hurt your feelings, so just stay in your mind. Hey, you want to text Matt; you know it was you because every time you see you, you think that you matter. Matter fact, he doesn't even like you; he just wants your money girl. Who even likes you? 😈😈

My brother said, "Bruh, why you so ugly plus why do you stink?" Me: "Is that supposed to be a roast? I got one for you. Why do you look like you came out the wrong side of your mother? Instead of her stomach, you came out of her butt. That's why you were born with brown spots on your head. That's her poop, you stupid fuckface." My friends: "Ouch that's gotta hurt."

Yo mama's so ugly, and her voice is so loud that The X Factor doesn't want or need her to show up to the performances when she sings.

Yo momma's so ugly Thanos had to snap twice.

You're so ugly your mom said, "I want an abortion."

Three friends go to a water park and meet a genie. "You each get one wish." "When you get to the top of the slide, you shall scream your wish as you go down." The first man went down the slide and screamed "Coca Cola," and the pool was filled with Coca-Cola.

The next ugly-ass looking mf goes down the slide and screams "C-M&Ms" as if he wasn’t just about to say cum—then the pool was full of cu—I mean M&Ms. The last horny-ass bitch is so excited he says "Weee!" Then the pool is full of piss. He was upset the pool wasn’t full of dildos./j

Yo mama is so short, Minions look down at her.

Yo mama is so fat that she volunteered for the Hunger Games 'cause she thought it was an eating competition.

Yo mama is so ugly when Santa Claus saw her, he yelled "Ho Ho Holy Sh*t!"

Yo mama is so old, when she walked into an antique store, they didn't let her leave.

Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.

I have two heads, four eyes, and six ears, what am I?

Ugly.

Michael Jackson is like if a Barbie doll and Bruno Mars had an ugly child together!

I'm jk btw Michael Jackson was amazing!

Isabell Leal is ugly as f*ck.

Bully: "Hey little Timmy, you look like an ugly rat."

Timmy: "Well, at least I'm a good chef and I'm in a movie, unlike you."

Bully: Dies from embarrassment. 😱

Yo momma so ugly, her blood type is puss.

An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.

Man: "Hey, cute lady!"

Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."

Man: "Not for long!"

And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.

Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"

Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."

Woman: "Never."

And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.

Man: "You look like a dream."

Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."

Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"

Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"

And then the man orders flowers and candy.

Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."

And the man shoots the bartender.

Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.

Man: I know how to please a woman.

Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite!

Man: I want to give myself to you.

Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants.

Man: Your hair color is fabulous.

Woman: I hate your hair color, though.

Man: You look like a dream.

Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite!

Man: I can tell that you want me.

Woman: Yes, I want you dead.

R.I.P.

Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign?

Woman: F*** you, pedophile!

Man: Your body is like a temple.

Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles.

Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant.

Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch!

Woman: How dare you!

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?

Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying "I AM KING OF THE WORLD!"

Any body have nothing to do? Well here is a prank that you'll never forget!

(Btw I never actually did this irl yet)

So tell your parents at night to come in in about 30 minutes cuz your legs hurt and you need them rubbed. So when they come in, pretend like your sleeping and right before they go out shout: NO! Then they will look at you but you'll be sleeping. (The idea is that you'll be sleep talking.) Then you start to cuss and say the most random things like: Hey you can't chew my cud it's mine, plus, you even went swimming today at that damm lake! Also say something like: YOU SON OF A BITCH! *swat in the air once* Then say: Why I made your f*ckin' bed today you stupid parents! *swat three times* And btw try and not smile as hard as it may be cuz they will be looking at you weird. And try to open your eyes just enough so you can see them. And depending on the tipe of parent you have they may wake you up by then or they will get interested and start laughing! Any way, then say: That mother f*cker that lives across the street just said I was ugly, you should do something about it(sibling name) ______. And also say: And if you happen to know where the nearest store is then that would be helpful. Then say: No Hulk! Leave me alone I love you! *swat twice*. Then say: Uncle Timmy Tom you are such a nude nick.(my dad made up the word nude nick, it just means crazy and annoying) Then settle down and lay on your stomach in your "sleep" and make it look like you putting the blanket on you more, but irl it would probably be to hide a smile! I think I will stop there cuz I don't think any one could hold in there laughter that long and if you feel like you can hold out longer then just make something up.

I hope you guys can do this and it goes well for you! Please comment! Byeee!

The Yo Mama song to end all yo mama jokes.

If you know what song this is parodying, you get a cookie.

Well, it’s a oooh, yo mama.

Ohhh, Yo Mama.

oh wop oh wop...YO MAMA!

Yo mama so fat, she gotta bathe in Sea World.

Well, it’s a oooh, yo mama.

Ohhhh, YO MAMA!

Oh woo ohhh, YO MAMA!

Yo mama so slow she took 9 months to get the joke.

Your own motheeer makes me giggle.

Her struggling to do taaaasks, see her belly wiggle.

HEY!

Yo mama so fat she on both sides o’the family.

Yo mama so inbred her own fam’ly tree

Looks like a spider web an’ yo mama so hairy

I thought it was King Kong I saw, that bitch is scary.

Yo mama so dumb a kid said “gimme a fag”

And in response she kidnapped Ricardo in a giant bag.

Yo mama so blind, she drove through puppies in a blunder

I swear I almost thought the driver was Stevie Wonder.

Yo mama so old, she’s nostalgic for the big bang.

Drier than Sahara, that crusty old thang.

Well, it’s a oooh, yo mama.

Ohhh, Yo Mama.

oh wop oh wop...YO MAMA!

Yo Mama so fat her picture still printing out.

Well, it’s a oooh, yo mama.

Ohhhh, YO MAMA!

Oh woo ohhh, YO MAMA!

Yo mama so ugly I thought you had two dads.

MMMMMMM

ahhhhhh

ohhhohoh

Your own motheeer, your own motheeeeer’s pussy is tight.

It’s not too dryyy or weeet it’s just right.

Hey Mama!

I fucked her so hard, the bitch done passed out

but not before I creamed all over her and shout

“I’M FUCKING THESE MOMS ALL THE WAY TO HEAVEN!

Don’t care if she’s 20 or 77!

I’m doing all the moms all over the worl’

Even if they weren’t ‘riginally born a girl.

A pussy’s a pussy no matter who its from

Don’t care if that woman is smart or dumb!”

That’s the truth there, baby! Even if

yo mama too stupid to tell apart her own kid

or if she’s so fugly, she’s the reason why

Helen Keller, poor soul, went deaf and blind.

I want to fuck every MILF on Earth

it don’t matter how much her ass is worth

or if she’s so poor, coal on Christmas is a treasure

Would I fuck her anyway? It would be my pleasure.

My body count so high can’t nobody top me

She said, “I’ll call you Freddie Mercury cause I want you to rock me.”

I said, “aiight bet! Can’t nobody stop me!”

Well, it’s a oooh, yo mama.

Ohhh, Yo Mama.

oh wop oh wop...YO MAMA!

But yo mama still so poor Africans donate to her!

A man with a gun and a sword walks into a bar, sees a girl, and falls in love with her.

Man: "Hey, you are one beautiful girl. Will you be my girlfriend?"

Girl: "No, because you have a gun and a sword."

Man: "But I am already in love with you."

And then the man leaves to get the girl flowers and candy.

The girl is glad that he has gone, until thirty minutes later, when he shows up again.

Man: "Here are some flowers for you, beautiful girl."

And the girl throws the flowers in his face, and then everyone in the bar laughs, even the bartender.

Man: "And here is some candy."

And the girl throws the candy in his face, and everyone in the bar laughs again, and some teenagers walking down the street see it as well, and then they start laughing too.

One of the teenagers says "Hahaha, that is so funny. Seeing a man give a girl candy, and the girl throwing it in his face to show him that she hates him."

Girl: "I hate you, ugly man!"

Man: "Bartender, can I get some candy for my girl?"

The bartender laughs when he hears that, and then he says "Are you crazy? We don't serve-"

And then the man shoots the bartender with his gun and stabs him with his sword. An old man walking down the street can't believe what he just saw, so he calls the police to arrest the man who killed the bartender.

999 Service Guy: "999, what's your emergency?"

Old man: "I just walked past a bar, and I saw a man shoot and stab the bartender. Can you please get the police to arrest him? Tell them he is the man with a gun and a sword in his bag."

999 Service Guy: "Okay, no worries."

1 Hour later, the first man tries to dance the tango with the girl, and the girl kicks him in the leg, and then he tries to kiss her, and she punches him in the face.

Guy sitting at a table in the bar: "That man is crazy. Trying to kiss a girl who hates him."

And the police show up.

First Policeman: "Which man has a gun and a sword in his bag?"

The girl points to the man and says "This man."

Second Policeman: "Let's arrest him."

Man: "No, wait! I can explain."

Third Policeman: "Get in the back of the car."

When the police get to the Police Station with the man, the first policeman says "You will stay in prison for 10 years."

One week later, the man breaks the bars and escapes prison.

The police see him and run after him.

Third Policeman: "Come back here!"

The man doesn't listen, and he keeps running, so the police shoot him and he dies.

And instead of saying rest in peace on his gravestone, it says rest in pieces.