Twos jokes

Why couldn't the bike stand up by itself?

'Cause it was two tired!

You also have to learn to say no. For example: “Would you like a piece of cake?” - “No, I would like two.”

What did the Twin Towers order for dinner?

Two large planes.

Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."

The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."

What do you call two Chinese lesbians?

Two can't chew.

¡Hola, soy Dora!

Can you help me find the two fucks I'm supposed to give?!

Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar. But a few minutes later, they would walk out, because you have to be 21+. No room for those two.

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

9/11 is like genders.

There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.

This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?

Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.

Me: Cool, what rank of officer?

Jim: SS.

Me:...

Why are Americans bad chess players?

Because they lost two towers.

How are the Twin Towers and genders similar? There used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.

The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"

Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.

...

I guess her rubber broke too.

Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”

The highest level of trust in the world is when two cannibals are each giving each other blowjobs.