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Two pencils walking down the street.

Which one hasn’t got AIDS?

The one with the rubber on.

Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.

The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"

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    • Girl: Come over.

    Orphan: I can’t.

    Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)

    Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.

    So there were three baby chickens and two mothers. The first baby said, "Why am I named Calf?"

    And the mother said, "I f***ed a cow."

    Then the second baby came up to its mother, and it said, "Why am I named B***h?"

    And its mom said, "I f***ed a wolf."

    And the final baby came to its mother and said, "Why am I named Orphan?" And because its mother wasn't there to see it, this is what I have to say: "Because you are one, you ducking hitch!!"

    Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.

    Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"

    Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."

    Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."

    *Operator hears a distant gunshot*

    Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"

    Roses are red, Violets are blue, How many bananas can I fit, Maybe two?

    My wife went to make a cake. The recipe said, "Separate two eggs," so she put one egg in the living room.

    A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

    boss: "We have to let you go."

    surgeon: "I protest innocence."

    boss: "How?"

    surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

    boss: "Get out!"

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    • These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."

    Two whales went to a bar.

    The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."

    So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.

    One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.

    Two Asians walked into a strip club and they went to a cashier. They put in their names: her name was He Gay and his name was Shi A Ho.

    What do you call a knight that has one arm? A first battle night.

    What do you call a knight that lost both arms? A two battle useless knight.