Newest Things Jokes - Page 11

What do emo’s and ninjas both have in common... they both hide and cut things

didn't fall for number 6 7 and 5

10 THINGS I KNOW
ABOUT YOU:
1) You are reading this
2) You are human
3) You can't say the letter "P" without
separating your lips
4) You just tried to do it
6) You are laughing at yourself
7) You have a smile on your face and you
skipped number 5
8) You just checked to see if there is a
number 5
9) You laugh at this because you are an
idiot (but everyone else does it too, if
that makes you feel any better)
10) You are going to repin this to see
who else falls for it

I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little
bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the
Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids
on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am
trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire
US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another
target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of
which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my
fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that
shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we
speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across
the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better
prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the
pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead,
kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over
seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands.
Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I
have access to the entire arsenal of the United States
Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your
miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If
only you could have known what unholy retribution your
little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you,
maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you
couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you
goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown
in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

my grand mother made her passage on the titanic. The ship was not the only thing that went down.

The type of society we live in

OLD PEOPLE AT WEDDINGS
ALWAYS POKE ME AND SAY
"YOU'RE NEXT."
SO, I STARTED DOING
THE SAME THING TO
THEM AT FUNERALS.

I fell into a water bed with super soil. Next thing I'm in a flower bed

The only thing brighter then my cuter is the fire on the twin towers

Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing!!! Tomorrow I am going to six flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR day!!!!!! Woohooo!!!!

Me during quarantine

Me: "I'm not going to buy dumb things from
Amazon anymore, just because I'm bored."
Me a few days later:

If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince? The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.

I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested it's factuality-

Well it's been some good years now Haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.

the first ever joke : https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/52b8feb0514efb2cbf8ca375/what-is-the-second-hardest-thing-in-the-morning

They say mistakes make you stronger. If that was true then whoever made that nonexistent thing called “womens rights” would have muscles bigger than a white girl.

My cousin’s friend spelled “rasist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”