Therapy jokes

You know I want an ADHD cure.

When?

Squirrel!

Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.

My depression: hey, what's up!

Me: go away.

My depression: well how rude.

Me: 🙄.

My depression: remember that one time......

Me: no, don't even.

My depression: that we.....

Me: nope.

My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.

Me: 😳😶😟.

My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.

Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.

1. just feeling sad. 2. depression. 3. self harm. 4. suicide.

I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."

My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.

My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.

I'm going to open a wellness center for ASD kids to be able to express themselves through music and painting. I will call it Artism!

What is long, brown, and cures depression?

A noose.

Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

Scientists say I'm made up of 75% of water.

But after jumping in the ocean, it's 100%, just like my depression.

Depression is like therapy; the more you see it, the more you get used to it.

How can you save a depressed person from a tree?

You cut the rope.

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.

Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.

My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.

The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.

It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

How do you start a dance party?

Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.

Depression, I got it.

A girlfriend, don't got it.

A life, don't got it.

Help, got it.

Friends, don't got it.

Family, I got it.

Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!

My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks.