Them jokes
You see a boat filled with people, yet there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible?
All of them are married!
What month of the year has 28 days?
Answer: All of them.
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
What do people have a shot at when it comes to love? Shooting them in the heart.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
What do dino nuggies and the brown M&M have in common?
I want to fuck them both.
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.
His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?"
"Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.
Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied?
'Cause they can’t stand up for themselves.
An orphanage is like a horse rescue: you rescue them, you rehabilitate them, and then you sell them to the highest bidder.
An orphanage is like a horse rescue. You rescue them, rehabilitate them, then sell them for as much as possible.
Why can't orphans go to school? They need their parents to sign them up.
Why can't orphans go to school? They need their parents to sign them up.
Why can't orphans go to school? They need their parents to sign them up.
Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?
Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?
Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
What's the different between Stephen Hawking and Rocket League? Both of them can't stand up.
Say _______ is so flat that when someone hit them, they got a paper cut!