Their jokes

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?

It goes right over their head.

What is the difference between women and cars?

At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.

The twin towers are like your father, they're both gone and will never come back.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

Because their dad left and never came back home with the milk.

Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.

The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"

The second said: "I'd do it for free!"

The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"

The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"

I figure it's ok to hit orphans.

What are they gonna do? Go tell their parents?

What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?

They have both had a few strokes.

Why does Donald Trump love little boys?

Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little cocks.

Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?

Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.

This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"

I hate stairs, they're always up to something.

Why do blondes wear tight skirts?

To keep their legs closed.

Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.

The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.

"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.

The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.

Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."

Can't wait for the orphans to have their family reunion! Wait...

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Both of their greatest hits are "the wall."

Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

How did the flight attendant want their burger?

Just plane!

The teacher asks, "Who is a Trump fan?" Everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher, all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?" Little Johnny says, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." The teacher asks, "Why are you not a Trump fan?" and Little Johnny says, "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so I'm a democrat." And then his teacher says, "So if your dad was an idiot and your mum was a moron, what would that make you?" And Little Johnny replies, "A Trump fan."

So, three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother. The first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So, the mother replies, "Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead." The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So, the mother explained, "Same as Daisy, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead." The third daughter then said "ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb," so the mother said, "Shut up, Brick!"