Their jokes

If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.

(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)

I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.

If you’re having a bad day, just punch an orphan.

Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.

Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."

What do you call a short black person?

By their name, you racist!

A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.

"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.

"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."

The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"

She said, "Not everybody paid."

North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.

Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."

The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."

Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."

How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?

Mufasa.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?

The look on their face when you're nailing them.

Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?

Because their dad never came back with milk.

How do Chinese people name their baby? They throw pots down the stairs: bing bong ching chong.

Why is America so bad at chess?

They lost both of their towers.

Why is it ok to smack an orphan?

What are they going to do? Tell their parents!

What do a priest and a McDonalds have in common?

They both slide their meat in 10 year old buns.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap til' their parents get home.

What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both shove their meat between 10-year-old buns.

🤔 ❓ How do lesbians 😳 practice safe 🙏 sex they put condoms on dildos and then they put dildos inside of their 👄 👄 👄 mouths and then they perform fellatio on them

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can watch the expression on their face.

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.