Their jokes

Why are women so bad at parking?

Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.

We should really stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents will get mad.

I bet emos get jealous when their phone dies.

Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?

First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:

"The canons be ready, Captain!"

"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!

Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits!

Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt quacks.

I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?

What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.

You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.

Why are orphans good at being a criminal?

Because they're not wanted.

Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?

Because he can’t sniff their hair.

If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.

(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)

If you’re having a bad day, just punch an orphan.

Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.

Why can't England play chess? Because they lost their queen!

Why don't Indians like snow?

Because it's white all over their land.

If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.

Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."

What do you call a short black person?

By their name, you racist!

A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.

"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.

"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."

The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"

She said, "Not everybody paid."