The jokes
What did the salad say to the chef? LETTUCE GO!!!
When the teacher dismissed the class to go home,
The orphan asked, "Where do I go?"
The teacher replied, "Home."
The orphan said, "Catch me on the streets then!"
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass is tickling their ballsacks!
What type of alphabet does an elf learn?
The elf-abet.
Why did the 18-year-old girl need a ladder to go to school?
Because it was High School.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
*Aye, Matey!*
Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor: 10 babies in one trash can.
Morbid humor: 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
In case there's a school shooting, the teachers can help out and shoot the kids.
Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?
Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.
What do an orphan's parents and the Predator have in common?
They are both invisible.
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
Why did the nose cross the road to find the person who "nose"?
What did the baseball chief say to the Orphan?
GO HOME!
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
The only difference between apples and orphans is apples actually get picked.
What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?
He said he was awfully touched!
Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."