The jokes

I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.

Today, a kid in a wheelchair was rolling around the class to get away from this one annoying kid, so I told him, "Brayden, just get up and walk away."

What is the only thing worse than being told you're adopted?

Still being in the orphanage at 13.

A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

Why have there been so many deaths around the world?

Trees and ropes.

This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.

What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?

One is finger-licking good, and the other is just a fast-food restaurant.

They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.

They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.

I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.

What do emos and bats have in common? The both hang.

What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?

Princess Di wouldn’t be seen dead in the back of a Skoda...

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."

The other asks, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"

Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?

Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.

Do orphans eat cereal with water?

Their dad did not come back with the milk.

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple tray?

The apples get picked.

Child abortion is like tax evasion: the more you lose, the less problems you have.

Finish the lyrics: Can I put my...

Why can the orphan only buy 1 ice cream cone?

He can't afford a family pack.