The jokes
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
Why does the Jedi never join the dark side?
If they did, then they would lose the opportunity to molest young padawans.
Q. What hits the ground first when falling out of a tree, a leaf or an emo kid? A. A leaf. There is usually a rope to stop the emo kid.
My mom said if I'm awake playing Roblox still, she said she was going to bang my head against the keyboard. hxhdhduhxbsfj.
"Fuckin blakfellas be drunk all the time," slurred Barry McKenzie over his tenth pint of guiness.
Memes
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
The next time I knock on your door, I'll hit you instead of the door.
The emo girl in my class did her photosynthesis project on a tree. Little did she know that would be her demise later on.
What kind of cold flu do the Japanese get? The Koflu.
Turn the comments into a school shootout ;)
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
You're so poor you put paper cutlery in the dishwasher.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find the home plate.
What is the difference between Clash Royale and the Twin Towers?
Clash Royale still has a tower.
Did you ever see any white men drowning in the Atlantic Ocean?
Yeah, it went on and on.
What did the talking rope say to the man?
"Just hang in there."
I bet the emo kids are jealous when they go to a funeral.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he could call someone Father.
Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...
Man: Men have to deal with women.