The jokes
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?
His elbow.
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
Why is the sun mad at the clouds?
The clouds keep throwing shade.
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
Snow balls.
"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.
Where do astronaut cows go to get milk?
The Milky Way!
A rich girl is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through her head?
The helicopter blade!
When you get caught about to shoot up the school,
*slowly puts AR to chin*
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone!
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
"Excuse me, you're in my sun (son)."
Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the sink.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, and the condom ripped; now they have a daughter.
Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?
I mean, the one I fucked died.
What did the blind, deaf, mentally handicapped orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Why did the plane cross the sky?
To hit the Twin Towers...
My elderly relatives like to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"..
They soon stopped though, when I started to do the same to them at funerals.
What's the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?
Pikachu, I choose you!
Where did the orphans go when the orphanage blew up?
Everywhere.
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"