The jokes
You're so fat, when you went on the scale it said "to be continued."
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
Why isn't the Moon Emo anymore?
Turns out it was just a phase.
Why can't Asians play Baseball?
Because they ate the bat.
Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.
Memes
Why do orphans use water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Why did the orphan kill someone? Because it would make him wanted.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water. Jack fell down, his cock was out, and Jill gained a daughter.
Your hairline is so far back, even the slaves can't plant that shit back.
I suffered The Great Depression.
What does a depressed person and a jacket have in common?
They’re both hanging in the closet.
How did the burglar get into my house?
Intruder window.
A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What did one butthole say to the other?
"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.
Pain. Gained. Anxiety. Fulfilled. Insomnia. Depression. Always with me. Happiness... The one thing I can't have.
When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."