The jokes

Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."

What is the chemical formula for a banana? BaNa2

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?

One's a crusty bus station and one's a busty crustacean.

Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?

The quiet kid: Splosion.

Teacher: What comes after A?

The quiet kid: AK-47.

Teacher: Faints.

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

Aboriginals around for 50,000 years invented the spear.

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."

You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"

What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?

The Jackson 4.

What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?

Michael Jackson's lipstick.

I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”

That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

Shame on you Penaldo!

What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There used to be two, but now it's a sore subject.

Why did God build a stairway to heaven?

So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.

Me: Hey, how are you?

Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3

Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?

Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.

Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!

Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)

Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!

Me: Ok, and their names?

Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!

Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)

Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.

Me: Ok, see you soon! :3

Me now hates my life. :)

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.

The rest of them will write Perl programs.

Why can't the Chinese play baseball? They ate all the bats.

Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.

What's the difference between my mum and my dad?

My mum stayed.

What's the difference between twin towers and McDonald's?

One had a drive thru and the other had a fly thru.

How are Tinder and orphans alike?

You swipe left till you find the one you like.