The jokes
A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...
Two nuts were walking down the street, and one was a-salted!
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
The worst joke ever.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
Why was 9 thankful to 6? Because 6 8 7 2.
What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like?
Nothing, the pee is silent.
Memes
Why did Sally fall off of the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Sally.
Why did the boy put the potatoes 🥔 on the kitchen floor?
He wanted to mash potatoes!
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...
Yo mama so stupid, she studied for the COVID test.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
You’ll only need a single nail to hang the picture frame up.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.
I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.
At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note, I suck at darts.
Looking in the mirror, I don’t need a therapist, god damn, I wanna be a terrorist.
What were the emo kid's pronouns?
Was/were.
What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?
One actually finished a race.
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.