The jokes
Q: Why did the chip run away?
A: His saucy friend tried to jizz on him.
Two tourists climb a mountain that utters certain doom.
One tourist falls down. The tourist that's still on the mountain says, "You ok down there?"
The other tourist says, "Can't I just rest in peace?!"
After the holidays, Ron asks Hermione: "How was the weather in Spain?"
Hermione: "No idea, it was so foggy I couldn't see a thing!"
Why can't Jordan moan?
Because his parents are in the room next to him. Asleep.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
The Windows XP log out sound.
Memes
If humanity were to nominate the gayest country in the world, it would be Tel Aviv, honestly.
Why are basements so scary? Cuz of the mail.
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
He had no body to go with. XD
What did the boy goat say to his girlfriend?
You're my boo!
What's the best thing about f***ing twenty-six year olds?
There's twenty of them.
How did the hipster burn his lips?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
The waiter recommended the rug meal.
She said it was delicious, but it's a tassle to make.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
It was so windy I saw a chicken lay the same egg twice!
Why did the little kid cry? His dad forgot to pull out.
What's the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg, but you can't beat a wank.
What is the difference between a human and the human rights act, a tree house, and a human being?
"I fancy Hunter, my big sugar daddy," said the orphan, clearly lying.
Guys to wind the clock up?
Why did ranch tell fridge to close the door?
He was dressing.