The jokes

"History's repeating itself. WWIII is coming, and the second Russia nukes the U.S., they're all getting fucked."

Some people could say that the sky was falling that day,

one second they saw the sun and the next they saw heaven.

How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?

I think they just hacked the "chrime."

I went fishing while watching porn, and my girlfriend said, "Well, you want my fish?" and I said, "But you're not in the water."

Q. When is your grandfather's bedtime?

A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

I was doing a 10km run with my good friend Pessi. As we were setting up our smart watches, the watch voice asked us if we wanted to do a solo run or a group run.

Pessi proceeded to smash both our watches and shout, “I don’t want solo run, I want Penalty!”

Shame on you, Pessi!

I was listening to some Drake in class.

My teacher shouted to turn it off. She then exclaimed that "Drake is mid and his music is very Pessi!" I didn’t understand the meaning until I checked the dictionary and realised it is a synonym for overrated.

Your hairline is so long that sometimes even the president doesn't know where it ends.

What did Amtrak say at the Olympics?

I AM keeping Trak!

Did you hear about the famous pickle?

He was a big dill!

How do you know an abo robbed your house?

The bins (trash cans) are empty and the dog is pregnant.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

His parents were on the other side!

Did you hear about the blind prostitute?

Well, you got to hand it to her.

You tell your dad what one plus one is and he says five. You forgot that your dad's brain is on the floor.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Only one of them gets picked...

"I’m going through a lot of things right now," I said frustratedly to the person on the line as I crashed straight through the next building in my car.

Why can't orphans play cricket?

'Cause they don't know where the home is.

Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?

Because he had no home to go to.

So, there was this kid, and he went to a store and said to a person there, "I'm emo." Then the person told the emo, "Why the hell are you here? Shouldn't you be hanging in a tree somewhere?"

Why can orphans have a phone? Because they can find the home button.