The jokes
How much do the bones in your body weigh?
A skele-ton!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
'Cause it was stapled to the chicken.
Hey, what's the puniest pun you can come up with?
Your dad went to the shop to get milk, came back, went again, but never came back due to a car crash due to an itchy rash.
Waiter says, "Sir, we ran out of ranch, so I had the boys in the back improvise. But don't worry... It has even more zip & twang to it!"
Memes
My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.
I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.
Why couldn't the girl with no arms hug her parents?
Because she had none of the above.
Yesterday, I saw an advert with a random woman dancing, and someone said that they were beautiful.
And then I said, "Except the fat people." And then I got sent to my room for saying that.
Did you know Stephen Hawking died in a game? The game was Happy Wheels.
Friend texting fat boy: I know you're on the group chat. I can see you looking at my texts.
Me: I can only see fat.
What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?
That’s assault!
"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"
Why is 10 scared of 11 and 9? Because he's in the middle of 9/11.
I looked at you, and you were bald until I got slapped up by Will Smith to the back of your head and saw the Great Wall of China.
What did the mongol say to his dog?
Down syndrome!
Why can’t the disabled kid live on the corner?
Because he’s disabled.
Why do animals cross the road?
Because it is funny, do you say "dogs" and "cats?"
I want a bigger couch.
Why? You're going to be in the kitchen most of the time anyway.
What’s the difference between a whale and Lizzo?
Absolutely nothing.
One day I was at school, and this girl had the nerve. She told me to go to the back of the line. I was looking behind me, and she said, "What are you looking for?" I said, "To who [are] you talking to, boo boo?" Like, is you you my momma?