The jokes
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!
The amputee: -_-
Why didn't the orphan play video games with his friends?
Because his parents wouldn't let him.
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.
If you think your life is bad, then people are discussing the gender of Mr. Potato Head.
Your hairline's so bad, your dad went to get the milk and never came back. Years later, he comes back and says, "Go get a hairline, boy."
Memes
What falls first, an apple or an Emo kid?
An apple, because the Emo has a rope holding them.
Why did the gym close?
It's because it just never worked out.
Why did the terrorist not go undercover?
Because he blew it!
Why don't we keep the balls rolling?
Jonny went to Disney and they had sour balls. He asked the cashier for some and he pulled down his pants.
You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, then ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.
Where's is the candy, sir???
Over there.
(kid steps in van)
I don't see any candy.
Why can't you do a Math test in the zoo?
Because there are too many Cheetahs!
Why did I give the orphan an iPhone 14?
Because there is no home button.
Why did the orphan go to rob the bank? Because he wanted to be wanted! >:D
Two cyclists stop on a bridge. One cyclist says to the other, "Can you see that forest over there?"
The other says, "No, the trees are in the way."
What did the people in 9/11 say when they got the wrong pizza? Man, they got it wrong, I wanted this shitty plane!
How many midgets does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three, because it’s the normal person's height.
A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, "What was that all about?"
Why did the blind man cross the road?
Don't ask me, he can't even see where he's going.