The jokes
Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?
Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.
Why couldn’t the bike stand up? Cuz it was too tired.
I got my job at a bank and lost the job the day I got it. A lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her!
When Peter Pan jumped off the Twin Towers, what happened? He Neverland.
How much does a chimney cost?
It's free cause it's on the house.
My birthday's on September 11th, I'm gonna turn the fuck up and throw a banger! Then rub my tits in birthday cake frosting!!! WOOOOOOOOO!
Average bee is 50x smarter than the smartest flat earther.
What does the school shooter do after he shoots a victim? He shoots more kids in them!
I lost my job at the bank. Some lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.
Why was the orphan so successful? They said "go big or go home," but he could not do the second.
If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.
I'd rate the pilot a 9/11.
Your hairline is so bent that Bob the Builder couldn't fix it.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple always gets picked.
Your forehead is so big that I could draw the map of the world on it.
These two guys were texting each other.
Guy 1: How are you?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)
Her Name was Lola. She was a loner. At the Copa I saw her And I just wanted to bone her!
I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.
He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.
Why can’t the orphan play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
Why did the skeleton die from laughter?
'Cause they broke all his "funny bones!"