The jokes
Why can't you hear the pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?
Thing 2: I don't know, what?
Thing 1: One gets hard faster.
How do pirates like their movies?
You already know the answer, don't you?
Well...
ARRR rated! Huh huh huh...
Yo momma's so ugly that she made One Direction turn into the Other Directions.
Some boy says 100000 digits of pi, and this other dude can't even remember the 1st one.
My relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying I'd be next. They soon stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Wanna see a joke? Open the front-facing camera.
What's the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer; the other one is just an orphan.
What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?
Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.
How much did the liver weigh?
It weighed a skeleTON.
What does the beet DJ say when he's partying?
"Dance to the beet, y'all!"
Why can't the T-Rex cross the road?
Because he's extinct.
Why can't the T-Rex clap?
Because they're extinct!
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
Why can't the orphan go on a field trip?
Because he can't sign the parent's signature.
What is the postman's favorite fruit?
Water-mail-on.
Uranus caught a 3-meter flatty while surfing. Check the tail still kicking. Deadly, my bruz!
Hi, I'm the wicked wiener!!!
Why is there A/C in hospitals?
So the vegetables stay nice and fresh.
What did the window say to the door?
"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"
Get it?