The jokes
What’s the difference between Mexicans and stoners?
Stoners have papers.
Where can a gay male that is abled bodied find the location of a glory hole if he is looking for a free and anonymous blowjob from another gay male?
From a physically disabled gay male who is either at the gym 💪 💪 🏋️♂️ or at the rest area ♿️ 🚹 🚽.
Your hairline retreats from your face just like all the guys that look at you.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?
She lost her taste.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
How did you get into the tampon 100?
Pull some strings!
Your hairline is so big, I couldn't find the area of it on Jupiter.
Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?
That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.
What do you call a group of Alabama superheroes?
The Incredibles.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
Did you know that the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.