The jokes
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost? The nearest Shell station.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Memes
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?
They’re both thinking, “Oh, shit, my mum’s gonna kill me!”
The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."
The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
The nut is so solid, it’s peanut brittle.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.
"Don’t look! I saw you peeking through the window."
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!
Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.