The jokes
During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.
He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.
When's the best day to get the chair? Fry-day.
I’m going to reenact the ending of Saw (2004), except I won’t stand up and shut the door.
I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
Memes
corporate wants u to tell the difference
Yo Mamma's so fat that she falls from both sides of the bed.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.
Who is the gorilla's favorite president of the most recent years? It's Hairy Truman.
Why can orphans not get married?
They are dad can't walk them down the aisle!
What’s the difference between 69 and High School?
In 69 you usually only kiss one c*nt and look at one a**hole.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
Because he was trying to catch a boomerang.
Paddy and Murphy are walking down the street when all of a sudden, Paddy falls down a manhole. Murphy shouts down, "Paddy, is it dark down there?"
Paddy shouts up, "Dunno Murphy, I crnt see a fecking thing!"
Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?
He didn't know where home was.
What is an orphan's dream?
To get on top of the wanted list! 🤣
Your mama so fat she sunk the HMS ship!
How did Gertie Gorilla make the Playboy magazine?
She was ape-ril!
You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.
Why is a brick always hard? Because he seen the brick that was getting laid right next to him.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 120 pounds. ;D
Me and the boys are cool.