The jokes
When does a pentagon have 4 sides?
When a plane is in one of the sides.
What does the plane that hit the Twin Towers and milk have in common?
My dad went to get both and never came back.
Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.
I was going to post a Kobe Briant joke, but the site crashed.
Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!
What's the difference between 911 and the stock market in the 1930's?
Nothing, they both crashed.
If you were to drop an emo and a leaf off a tree, who would hit the ground first?
The leaf, because the emo is always hanging.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Orphans don't get picked.
Thank God I went on the tenth.
What's the difference between an orphan and a pencil?
People actually have a use for one of them.
When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.
The walking dead.
What is the difference between an orphan and a phone?
A phone has a home button.
How did the blind boy's parents punish him?
Rearrange the furniture.
Yo yo Zac, have you Amber HEARD about the Johnny Depp case? ARRRRRRRRRRR!
A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."
Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.
A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"
I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.
Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."