Newest Surprise Jokes - Page 12

my grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.

I hit something when i pulled into my driveway. and then i noticed that my cat was missing.

What do u say when a person trips?

You say why u trippen. :)

A man comes home and hears her wife talking about having sex at the club, the man busts into the club with a revolver and says "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE" well everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says "mate you don't have enough bullets"

>Sell PC >Go to Croatia >Try to fly to the US to meet female >US wont let me in >End up in Norway >female leaves me >Female gets arrested by feds >Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics

Just another day in the defib life

i went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when i saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range, i dont know who snitched...

So a guy is evading the draft, the cops bang on his door and he runs out the back and through and alley way onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse, she complies and the cops walk by and dont see them. The man comes back up from under the nuns blouse and says”Hey man, youve got a pair of balls!” The nun says, “I didnt wanna be drafted either....”

Your mom wants to tell you that your adopted but you were an orphan.

I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said "My turn!".

I tell a man get me a glock 19 he comes back with a glove i was about to shout at him but then i saw a pistol in his pocket so i left and thanked him

Last word of mayor of Hiroshima: ‘what the fuck was that noise?’

What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual peadophile for Christmas?

He said he was awfully touched!!!!

Me: Are you okay?

Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out" I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.

After getting in the White House, D.Trump gets a letter.... ... from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:

370HSSV 0773H

All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.

One of the agents suggest Trump to ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary: Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down.

If i send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...

...is that a romantic jester

gumball: what's that? Is it a twig? banana Joe: no. Darwin: Is it a leaf? banana Joe: no. Gumball: What is it then? banana Joe: It's my BUTT!!!

It’s only rape

If she finds out.

so i took a poop out side when i was done i wiped and got it on my finger after that i had nutella and i thought the poop on my hand was nutella and i licked it i said daddy chill what in the heck is this crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!