Suggestion jokes
What website should you go to to look up LSD dealers?
TripAdvisor.com
So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...
Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
If you're seeing this, this is your sign to go fuck yourself.
Kid: Hey, what’s black and sneaky!
Social studies teacher: Harriet Tubman.
What did one plane say to the other? "Let's fly!"
In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:
"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."
(Pause)
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."
"Jeff who?"
"Bezos."
Sonic says: "If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
Is Google a girl or a boy?
Obviously a girl, because it won't let you finish a sentence without making a suggestion.
Would love to pound Sterling with a 14 lb hammer.
Don't listen.
I got some from suggestions, research, etc. etc. Just to illuminate you.
Google is a woman because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.
Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime.
Is Google a male or female?
Female because it doesn’t let you finish your sentences before making a suggestion.
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.
I replied I'd get ink poisoning.
Wouldn't recommend, the police came.
What is the best Catholic dating app?
Grinder.
You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"
Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"
Boy: "What do you mean?"
Friend and me: "We can show you."
Me: "I will tie the rope."
Friend: "I will push the chair."