SOS jokes

My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.

I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D

You're so fat, every time you go in the elevator, it goes down.

Your mama's so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, it said, "Viewer discretion advised!"

My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.

So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.

I'm scared that it moves at night.

I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.

Why was the orphan so famous?

Because when they asked him go big or go home, he only had one option.

Your mama is so fat, she sunk Atlantis even though it's in the ocean!

Your mom's so fat, she annexed Crimea!

Family is precious, so you have to keep them away from the sunlight.

Yesterday a woman stabbed me, so I stabbed her back. Then I realized she was the vaccine woman.

Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.

She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”

Yo mama is so fat, when she was a spy, she was called "double obese."

Yo mama so ugly, she the real reason all the dodos died.

Your momma's so fat, when she pulls her knickers down, her ass is still in 'em!

Yo momma's so fat, she rolled out the bed, out the room, down the stairs, smashed through the window, rolled down the road, and got stuck in the Grand Canyon.

My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.

Why are my students so naughty?

Why are you so fat? I bet you take after your mom more.

Your hairline is so far back that you have four faces to wash every day.