SOS jokes

Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?

His name is Vladimir Pootin.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, I missed three episodes.

Yo momma so fat, whenever she goes to the beach, the tide comes in!

Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.

Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?

They get to walk themselves down the aisle.

I wish my hair was emo so it would cut itself.

So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"

Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.

I'm so fucking bored.

Why does Saturn have a ring?

Because God liked it, so he put a ring on it.

Everyone, if I am not online, that is because I am on a vacation, so yeah.

My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.

A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."

Yo mama is so strict that Thanos couldn't collect the Infinity Stones until he had done his homework.

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?

But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.

Yo mama's so dumb, she thought Bruno Mars was a planet!

Yo mama slept with so many guys she's starting to look like one.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Most likely because they can't find home.

Yo mama is so fat that when she sits on the internet, it will take a day to send!