SOS jokes

So, I met Michael Jackson before he died. He dragged me to his bed.

Yo mama is so skinny, she makes friends with a snake.

Your mom's so fat, the photo from last Christmas is still printing!

Why do orphans play GTA?

To be wanted.

Why do orphanages give out free phones?

So you can press the home button.

Yo mama so fat, she broke Usain Bolt's 100 meter speed record by taking ONE STEP!

Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.

Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.

Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?

Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!

Yo mama so fat, she orbits the sun!

I was in the bank one day, and this old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.

Some dude called me a tool.

So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.

Guess he was right :/

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast any time," so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

— Steven Wright

Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.

My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!

Yo mama so fat, when she joined Team 10...

It became TEAM, 10, TONS!

I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.

Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."

Why are you so bonely, my friend? I am at least glad that you are not boneless.

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere.

Your mama is so fat that when she was playing online, she crashed the whole server.

So, no head?

Yo mama is so ugly Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix that!"

Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.

I have an announcement, Shadow the Hedgehog is a bitch ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife and he said he dick was this big and I said that's disgusting, so I'm making a callout post on my twitter dot com. Shadow, u got a small dick it looks like this walnut except way smaller.