Why do men sag their pants so low and still wear a belt?
The same reason women bring their purse on a date and don't pay.
What do you call a deaf child?
-Ryan Simmonite-
People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.
In a white van.
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
The QUEEN is JACK! KING off the JOKER!
I know what you're thinking, pervert. Actually, the joke's about a jester in drag. OK, I’m joking, the Queen cheated on the King with the Jester.
What's the difference between an aborted fetus and an upside-down bar stool?
An upside-down bar stool can only pleasure 4 men.
A guy cut me in the lunch line. After that, a rock was thrown at him by my friend.
Yo' mama sometimes always happens to let you know you're back in New York -- like the way people order in a restaurant: "Could you take my order before Jesus gets back? What's the matter with you? I've evolved into another species here, you understand? I can't eat clam chowder no more. I gotta see the cyborg menu, you understand?"
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
After the shooting, people were asking why they would do it.
They wanted to stop but it turns out they were playing an online game.
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.
What do you call a weak, beta, tall and dumb kid? A banana.
But if you're vegan, you call him food.
If you're poor, you eat the skin.
When you're mad, you might as well just punch an orphan because what can they do, tell their parents?
Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.
*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...
Two nuns in a bath.
If you're ever bored, adopt an orphan. What is he going to do, be kissed by Vedanta?
If Joey Deacon made his own company, it would be called The Joey Deacon Company; Walt Disney should have a run for its money.
P.S. The Joey Deacon Pictures logo would have some autistic people making noises to "When You Wish Upon A Star", with the castle being the Blue Peter ship instead.
Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎
What's the difference between a homeless person and a car?
Only one gets fuel.
