Sisters jokes

My stepsister is a big titty goth. Should I tap that?

My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.

In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.

A sister told her brother to walk to the store, buy some candy, and watch a movie with her while eating the candy.

But he couldn't walk because he has no legs. He couldn't buy candy because he has no arms. He couldn't watch a movie because he was blind, and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach. Who said he was real?

My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister, "Is it true that you gave my friends blowjobs?" She said yes.

My sister asked me, "Do you want one?" I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow, just like my friends, it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As an older brother, I couldn't be more prouder.

Little Red Riding Hood has to deliver food to her grandma again. She can drive now because she is sixteen. One the way, she accidentally took the wrong way and got to a different forest where her grandma lives now. She found the wrong cottage that looked like her grandma's home. When she opened the door, she found her younger and older sisters of ages 9, 11, 18, and 22. How old is Little Red Riding Hood?

Answer: 16

I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?

My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.

One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."

The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."

How do you circumcise a hillbilly? You kick his sister in the jaw.

So, Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC's. So he goes home and asks his mom, who's cooking, "What's the first letter of the ABC's?" He asks, and his mom responds with "SHUT UP... I'M COOKING!"

So then he walks to his sister, who's singing in the shower, and asks her, "What's the 2nd letter of the ABC's?" She responds with "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" Then he walks over to his brother, who's watching Batman, and asks, "What's the 3rd letter of the ABC's?" and his brother responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then he proceeds to walk to his dad, who's watching football, and asks, "Dad, what's the 4th letter of the ABC's?" and he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" Then he walks to his grandma, who's cooking buns, and asks her, "What's the 5th letter of the ABC's?" and she responds with "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!" Then Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day, and the teacher says to her class, "Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC's?" Johnny, of course, raises his hand, and the teacher calls on him. Then he says, "SHUT UP I'M COOKING!" Then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says, "Young man, are you ready to go to the principal's office?" Then he proceeds to say, "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" and he walks to the principal's office. Then she says, "What's your name, son?" He responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then the principal asks, "How many spankin's, boy?!" He responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" and after that, he runs out of the principal's office while yelling "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!"

What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his foot?

Mitosis!!! (my-toe-sis)

I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."

What did the tree say to his sister? Wood you please leaf me alone, you son of a birch?

What’s the worst thing about having a sister with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

The teacher asked a young boy in primary school, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

To which the boy replies, "No."

The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet.

At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

"Shut up," she replied.

The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks, "Can you teach me the alphabet?"

But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet.

But his brother is singing, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet.

But his sister is singing, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"

The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet.

The boy replies, "Shut up."

"Alright, I'm sending you to the principal's office right now."

The boy replies, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

In the office, the principal says, "Who do you think you are?"

The boy replies, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

The principal now says, "How do you think you'll get away with this?"

The boy then replies, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"

I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"

My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.

She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.

Babe, it's over.

After all I've done for you? Wow! I cheated on you with your sister anyway.

I meant the movie...

I'ma tell these to my adopted sister.

I got my sister a book and she cried there, but I forgot she was blind.

What did the dog say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? "Hey, mitosis!"