Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
Yo mama so dumb, she thought a quarterback was a refund.
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?
She was fed up with the hole business.
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.
Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?
Because it's 90 degrees.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
What does a girl want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus, and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection..." But she did.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.
My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.
My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
