My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
I pushed the kid in the wheelchair down the hill but before I did I set his wheels on fire and called him hot wheels
Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle? Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger"
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Did you know there was a record for quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds
I got a new Lego airplane set from my friend... oddly there was also two towers included in the box as well..
Bill? Bill?" bill hears faintly in the distance. Bill Nye snapped back into reality only to find he had peed all over the set.
Ok now I'm not good at telling jokes but this 1 is not to bad 1 cunt said to anothrr cunt do you get cold at night fuck no cunt the 1 st cunt said why I have a built in set of verticlal currains to keep the cold out cunt xx
there is a room of men jamal, david and afzul. "jamal is black", "david is white" and "afzul is a pakistani" -who set of the bomb-
afzul its clearly him cause hes a pa...
director: hi. we are making a huge cliffhanger in this movie. actor: really? what do I do? director: you will play the part of the cliff (holds up hanging rope)
Why is Putin and Zelensky neighbors? Apparently a big dick needs a great set of balls next to it.
What the difference between a set slave and a goat?
I don't have a sex slave in my basement...
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
To get a fresh set of GRILLZ
A wife and husband was setting up their computer and the husband makes the password my dick, but the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
Dear disabled people, just go to the settings and enable it :D
Stephen Hawkings just died. Have they tried rebooting him to factory settings?
I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped
Give a man a match he'll be warm for a while but set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
(Set up joke for the actual joke) So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog. (Actual joke) When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.
